Dad

Today we pay our respects for Dad, fabulous husband, father and friend, as he sneaks past the bouncer and enters the great jazz club in the sky.

My offering today is inspired by the many folks who have sent along their sympathies and reflections. Some folks knew him well, some knew him a bit, some did not have a chance to meet him. All are here with us today, either in presence or in spirit. All together, we embrace each other and our Dad in Love.

Dad was joyful and charming, known for his wallet full of punch lines, his ability to bond with all sorts of animals and creatures, and his love of jazz music. We remember him for his warm, wide smile, which always made folks feel welcome and part of his family.

Through all the challenges he met, and there were many, Dad demonstrated extraordinary grace and fortitude, fueled by his profound love for his family, for his friends and for life. He was able to meet his final challenge comfortably and peacefully, thanks to the extraordinary care and attention of his hospice caregivers.

The other day, our friend Andrea described her experience of our father and mother, which has been echoed by many folks: “he was truly for her, and she was truly for him.” It was one of the many gifts he offered – his profound devotion and caring for family and friends has been inspirational.

As my own path in this life has unfolded, I have had the splendid opportunity of spending the past four years living with my parents, having them as a significant part of my every day. Not many children get to do this, and those who do often struggle with embracing it. In my case, my parents made it easy. What they have offered to me, unwavering for 51 years, has been their unconditional love. My appreciation for this gift has deepened during these past four years. It is a gift that has nourished my sense of worth and strengthened my sense of purpose in this world; for this I am eternally grateful. I have read and been told by various therapists and counselors that unconditional love can only be offered by a parent for a child, that it is simply not realistic, much less possible, for two people who enter into an intimate relationship and partnership to offer each other unconditional love. I strongly disagree. I disagree because our parents provided the model. They have offered their unconditional love for each other for 53 years; it is the unconditional love they have shared with each other that has been the source of their love and devotion for my sister and me. “He was truly for her, and she was truly for him.” This is the quality that so many folks who have known both of them admire so deeply and are inspired by.

Dad will not sit at our tables again. He will not be insisting on picking up the check again. He will not extend his smile and hand in welcome and greet us with “hiya, Cookie!” He will not be picking out tunes on the piano, always safe in the key of C. He will not befriend the gecko on the patio screen. He has left us the task of remembering and retelling the Smedley and Smythe joke.

Our loss is tremendous. Indeed, the world is poorer for its loss of a gentle, generous and loving man. But he would not at all want us to dwell in sadness. We are richer for having known him. He would want us to continue forward on our paths in this world, inspired to offer to each other the joy, good humor, and love for life that he shared for so long with all of us.